I like to think of communication as moving through three internal stages:
Feel → Think → Act.
Most of us skip right to action—or freeze and avoid it altogether. Instead, slowing down and working through this internal sequence helps us stay grounded and intentional, especially in conversations that feel emotionally charged.
Here’s what that really means:
Our
feelings are fast, strong, and intuitive. They often show up before we even fully understand why. Rather than ignoring or suppressing them, I encourage clients to turn toward those emotions with curiosity. What is this feeling alerting you to? What boundary might be crossed, value stirred, or need unmet?
That’s where
“Feeling is for thinking, thinking is for acting”
comes in. It’s a simple shorthand I use to describe a powerful process:
- Feeling shows us something important is happening that we should pay attention to.
- Thinking helps us reflect, process, and understand what that something is.
- Acting then becomes a conscious choice—one aligned with your values, not your reactivity.
This isn’t about suppressing emotions—it’s about letting them inform your response, rather than dictate it. When we take the time to reflect, we not only communicate more clearly, we also show up more fully. We become both more self-aware and more discerning of how the other person is showing up, too.
